I'm Done!

Actually, the original title to this post was "Failure", but I've been convinced otherwise. Honestly I apologize for the brutal honesty in this post ahead of time. When I created this blog earlier this year, I decided to use this as a journal...with that comes the brutal honesty of my thoughts at any given time.

Friday night I was discussing something with my friend Melynda that stayed with me all weekend long. We were talking about our goals as it relates to the Chang's marathon/ half marathon in 5 weeks. She is running her first half and has come to enjoy running. We were discussing my ongoing knee problems as it relates to my sub-4 hour goal for this event. I put it out there that anything less than that goal I'd consider a failure. Needless to say she did not see things the same way and thought the word failure was pretty harsh. I pose the question, "why do we set goals?"

We don't reward people who don't meet goals. Sure there are times where we use phrases like, "well you get an A for effort" and sure friends and family will always give ya a pat on the back and say, "you tried your best!". Honestly though, we set goals for a reason, and I think that I have the right to say that if I don't meet that goal.....I've failed. I'm a big boy, I can take it and it seems a little more truthful in my eyes.

I set out on Saturday to run 19. My knee held up throughout the week during my runs and spin class. However, the uncertainty was there all week too. The occasional tightness and twinges reminded me that I had a long 5 weeks ahead. I added a few more band aids to my receipt. I bought a band that goes about 3 inches above my knee and puts pressure on my IT band and bought a new pair of shoes. In addition, I had a fellow co-worker and runner give me an all natural balm to apply pre and post run.

I headed out a little later (7am) in light of the 38 degree morning temps. I figured that a little extra light might take the chill out. I went with the same greenbelt/canal route from the last 3 weeks. Again things felt great out the gate. Unfortunately, my knee felt tight as I came to my water drop 4.5 miles in. However, all in all things were great for the first 9.5 as I reached the turnaround.

On the return, things became a different story. Mile 12, something new arrived. My knee has been giving me problems on the left side, but all of a sudden I was having shooting pains up the right/back side of my knee towards my hamstring. The only thing I could figure was that my stride was adjusting to overcompensate for my injury thus bringing a whole new injury. I told myself, "no worries, just make it back to the water drop...it'll stretch itself out." Well, I did make it to the water drop, and things were still not right.

As I started the final 4 miles, my body was sending some strong signals. I made it to mile 16 and I could not take the pain anymore. I had been fighting a 4 week battle with my body and at that very point....I lost. More important, at that moment I failed! I walked the remaining 3 miles back to the car.

I've decided not to run the marathon in 5 weeks, my knee just won't take it. I'm going to make a doctors appointment tomorrow and see what he says. Who knows what the future holds. Family members that I've talked to this weekend have described this as not being "failure" but a "setback". I think that deep down I know this to be true, but right now I'm pretty beat down. I feel like 16+ of formal training and sacrifice are just "done". Just when the excitement was beginning to build for this race, I feel empty and defeated.

Honestly, I was not going to blog this week. However, good or bad, I think it's important to get some of these thoughts out there. Here's another saying, "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger"..........hopefully!